the fabulous life of a queer femme in action
So, I got the invitation for my 20th highschool reunion. And I can’t make up my mind whether to go or not. To help me with my decision I decided to do the old „pros and cons“-list. Because, you see, if there is one thing I hate, it is making the wrong call. And I’m always taking it to the extreme. I can be found rocking back and forth crazy-lady-style for having ordered the „wrong“ pizza (after having eaten it all, I should add). And, since the reunion is kind of a „once in a lifetime“-thing and not a disgusting Pizza Cipolla with too many onions, there is a huge risk of a complete meltdown in Bourbon Town if I don’t get it right this time.
• It is in a town in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Sweden. In November. Cleaning my ears in the morning is more exciting than that godforsaken dump. This means that I would have to invest in flights and trains and precious time to even get there. And oh, did I say it’s in November? Do you know what the middle of Sweden is like in November? Drape yourself in a wet, stinking wool blanket, crawl into your fridge and close the door. There! Difference is, your fridge probably has more interesting and colourful inhabitants.
• I have actually not seen 99% of my former classmates in the last 20 years. Most likely for a reason.
• I will glide into the bowling hall (Yes. The bowling hall. Don’t ask …) being the decadent diva I am, dazzling everybody with my oh-so-exciting life while they will show pictures of their snotty babies. Me vs All the rest – 10:0.
• I will finally find out who turned out queer. And I will have my gaydar set on full blast for this one.
• I will smooch up at least three sad unfulfilled housewives, giving them a moment of lesbian bliss. That is a plan that I am very sure will go my way since I will pack my Shane-moves and some lube. Question is, is it worth 500 bucks to explore this slightly arrogant plan of mine? Or will I end up in a corner, wearing ugly bowling shoes, sipping moonshine from a plastic cup while watching straight people who can’t dance do the „Lambada“?
Denice was quite the Queen of her highschool. That is how she remembers it, so it must be true.