the fabulous life of a queer femme in action
I met this 19-year old girl at a party. She was so much more clever than I was at that age. It made me think about what I wished that this wise 35 year old me could have said to my teenage self to make life a bit more easy, so that it would not have taken 15 years for me to get rid of that constant feeling of guilt and never learning how to say No.
16: ”No. Just because he was nice to you for five minutes, does not mean that you are automatically obliged to suck his dick in the parking lot behind the disco.” 17–19: ”You are gorgeous and talented. You don’t have to act like a slow, stupid and introvert slacker to be charming in the required cynical grunge generation X-style. Also, feminism is cool, honey.” 20: ”Ok. So you fell in love with your best friend’s girlfriend. That happens. You don’t have to move 700 km away just because of that. Kiss her and deal with it! Also, being gay is not a mental illness; those therapy sessions won’t work.” 21: ”Ok. So you’ve lived with your boyfriend for a year without even kissing, because all you can think of is her. Doesn’t this give you the slightest of hints that you may not be living the life you want to …? (You can’t seriously be that naive, can you?)” 22: ”Masturbating is ok. Everybody does it. For Christ’s sake. You are 22. Get over it!” 23: ”Just because you sleep with the occasional guy, this doesn’t make you straight. You don’t have to be confused, honey. Nobody is allowed to define who you are. If you feel like a lesbian, you can call yourself a lesbian.” 24: ”Ok, look. You are obviously attracted to butches. That is ok. When you look at that girl and think about how pretty she is and how you wished you looked like her; that is not the same as being attracted to somebody. This is why it won’t work out in bed. You are not frigid. Don’t worry. (P.S. Liking butches does not make you straight, and it is not oppressive.)” 25: ”Please, listen to me: Queerness is not a threat to lesbianism or feminism. Please stop feeling so guilty and angry all the time. Everything will be great. Now, repeat this until you are 30 years old, and maybe maybe this will save you some energy and grief.”
Denice believes she found her brain around 2007. She blames beer. And patriarchy.
