the fabulous life of a queer femme in action
I am a bit upset. Why? Well … it has come to my attention that our favourite OITNB überbutch Big Boo (or Lea DeLaria as her name is outside the fiction prison) sat in a TV-studio a while ago yelling about how scissoring is “not a thing”. Say what? I could not believe my ears so I sat down and did some research on other queerios’ opinions on one of my personal favourite (sexual) practises, and I was shocked. Shocked! Ever since that cis-straight-middle aged-bitter man-made French lesbo-flick with the male-camera-gaze explicit sex scenes, queer/lesbians all over the place have felt the need to tell the world that scissoring only exists in porn dudes’ heads and that it is definitely nothing a righteous dyke would ever do in real life. Again: Say what? I mean, what does that do for our* community except shaming people for their sexaerobics? There is no such thing as “we* don’t do that”. Except for maybe the porn dude idea of lesbians wanting a cis-man-dick poking their faces while they fuck. That’s probably not a thing. Or maybe it is. So therefore I would never go out it public and tell people which sexual practises are a “thing” or not. I, for example, basically never use sex toys. It’s just not my thing. (I think that is as close to a sapphic hippie I will ever come; “just use your magical body, Sister Moon”.) I know that scissoring (or “tribbing”, which is the more accurate, and frankly better, word for it) can be quite the challenge. And it doesn’t work out with every partner you have. But neither does fisting now, does it? As a reader on my favourite internet place, Autostraddle.com, wrote: “I’ve had partners where we could scissor in all kinds of positions and others where the mere IDEA thereof was physically impossible.” Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But with you all as my witnesses, I hereby declare: I trib, therefore it exists!
Denice prefers the lazy-ass version of tribbing where both people are on their backs, heads in opposite directions. Just be careful to not put your toes in your partners nose. Unless they are into that, of course.
* there is no homogenic “we” or “us”, of course.